This Ain't the Golden Years II
by Lady Jaye1
Summary: Sequel to the first This Ain't the Golden Years. Just because fifty years have passed doesn't mean that retired Justice League members can stay out of trouble, especially if they're corrupting the next generation of Leaguers.
1. Chapter 1

_The sequel is finally here! Sorry for the very long wait. I had even intended for this to debut on Jan. 1, but alas, I didn't have time. I'm recently finished my application to graduate school and now I'm working on grant and fellowship applications. I currently have no life._

_**Important editing changes**__: In the previous story, I had written Wally's children as Iris and Barry. This was indeed their names in an alternate DC story. However in the main DC comics story line (technically only one now after the Infinite crisis story arc), his twins are named Jai and Iris. Because of this, I have gone back in first story and changed Barry to Jai. In this story, Jai will also be used instead of Barry._

_**This first chapter is longer than usual, so enjoy.**_

**This Ain't the Golden Years II**

_Chapter 1_

**Justice League Daily Service Announcement  
****Date:** January 1, 2059

Fellow Leaguers,

We wish everyone a Happy New Year.

Have a nice day.

……………………………

_January 1, 2059_

First entry of the New Year. My New Year Resolution is to continue being young at heart, even if I'm an old geezer now. Geez, how did that happen? It seems like only yesterday that I was Kid Flash. Now I have grandkids. Oh well. In some ways, it's nice being an old guy. You can get away with more.

Anyway, last night was great. Clark tried to hide out at the Fortress of Solitude, Vic was glued to his computer, the New Gods prepared for war…in short, most of the League freaked out. If I have but one wish, this prank (or non prank) will always be remembered.

Bruce is coming over later today for our New Year's dinner. This should be interesting. And

………………………………..

**Excerpt from Wally's Phone Conversation with Oliver Queen:  
Time:** 10:38 am

_Ollie:_ Hey Wally…

_Wally:_ What?

_Ollie:_ Have you checked your email lately?

_Wally:_ No, why?

_Ollie:_ Clark just spammed my inbox with over 900 messages.

_Wally:_ He what?

_Ollie:_ Yeah, and my inbox is full. I tried sending you an email, but it didn't go through. I was thinking that…

_Wally:_ Let me check. (two seconds later) Damn you Clark!

………………

_(Continuation of Wally's journal entry)_

And Clark just spammed my inbox! That bastard!

…………………………………………

**Location:** The Kent farm  
**Time:** 10:42 am

_Lois:_ Clark, what are you doing?

_Clark:_ Me? Nothing.

_**Clark's inbox:**__ 900 new messages_

_Lois:_ Are those all from Wally?

_Clark:_ I was expecting this.

_Lois: (raises an eyebrow)_

_Lois:_ What did you do Smallville?

_Clark:_ I'm giving Wally a small taste of what to expect this year.

…………………………………..

**Location:** Wally's brain  
**Time:** 10:43 am

Gah! That bastard! My inbox is full again! That's it, this is war!

……………………………….

**Excerpt from Bruce Wayne's Phone Conversation with Linda Park West:  
Time:** 10:57 am

_Linda:_ Happy New Year Bruce.

_Bruce:_ Happy New Year, Linda. I'll be over about 2:00. I trust that you and Wally had an…uneventful night.

_Linda:_ You knew, didn't you?

_Bruce:_ I forced it out of Terry. What is Wally up to now? Gloating?

_Linda:_ Actually, he's currently engaged in an online superspeed battle with Clark.

_Bruce:_…

_Bruce:_ I've changed my mind. I think I'll come over now, if you don't mind. I have to see this.

_Linda:_ You might as well, it's very entertaining. Wally's swearing up a storm.

………………..

_Excerpt from the Email War:_

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** bastard

Dear Clark,

I really don't appreciate you spamming my inbox. Good day and Happy New Year, good sir.

Sincerely,

Wally.

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** medicine

Dear Wallace,

Can't take your own medicine?

Sincerely,

Clark

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

I didn't do anything!

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Uh huh.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

You know, the height of human technology is currently orbiting the earth and allowing the possibility of instant communications, and what are you emailing? 'uh huh?'

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

_Attachments: 1_

Happy New Year Wally.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** hell no

I'm not opening that.

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

I'm not Bruce. I'm not going to send you a virus.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** spam

Only hundreds of spam emails, right?

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

I think it's in the ten thousands now…

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** internet killer

You're going to crash the internet Kent!

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Then stop replying. Wait, is it even possible to crash the internet? From two desktop computers?

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** no!

No! Not until you stop!

I don't know, has anyone ever actually crashed the internet before?

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

No idea.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Stop emailing me!

Damn it, what the hell is this? There's actually a Question fanclub out there? Please don't tell me that the Creeper has one.

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

He does.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

So how'd you like our 'prank' yesterday?

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Hey Wally, how would you like the League's entire recorded collection of Thanagarian opera?

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

What? We have that?

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

_Sent: 748 files_

_Downloading…_

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** I hate you.

DAMN YOU CLARK!!!!

…………………..

**Location:** the West home  
**Time:** 11:14 am

_Bruce:_ How long have they been doing this?

_Linda:_ Nearly twenty minutes, but in superspeed time…

_Bruce:_ …it would be closer to days.

_Linda:_ I married a monkey.

_Bruce:_ Apparently so did Lois. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll let up soon. At the rate they're going, one of them is going to break either a keyboard or the computer.

_Linda:_ Or the internet.

_Bruce:_ If anyone can manage it, it would be them.

Wally: **$%&&!!!!!**

_Linda:_ What did you break Wally!?

_Wally:_ Clark just locked up my computer! He sent me the League's entire collection of Thanagarian opera and now my computer's frozen!

_Bruce:_ There's no reason it should be frozen unless you tried to download it.

_Wally:_ It automatically started downloading! That bastard! Wait a…Bruce? You're already here?

_Bruce:_ This was too entertaining to miss.

_Wally:_ Well if you want the entertainment to continue, stop that! _(points wildly at the computer)_

_Bruce:_ I have a strict non-interventionist policy when it comes to other Leaguers' disputes.

_Wally:_ _Who_ invited you over for dinner?

_Bruce:_ What do you say?

_Wally:_ Pleeeease? I'll be in your debt!

_Bruce:_ Good.

_Wally's inner thoughts:_ Crap. What did I just do?

……………………

_The Email War continues:_

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** Hah!

Hah!

Bruce stopped your stupid download.

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** Bruce?

He what? Why'd he help you?

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Maybe because I invited him over for dinner and it was only polite to help his host?

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** uh huh

This is Bruce. There's more to it than that.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Like I'm telling you. Kryptonian Bastard.

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Smart ass kid.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Geez Clark, I'm in my seventies and I'm still a kid? Oh wait, yeah, I AM a kid! I'm young at heart! That's my New Year's resolution!

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Hey, I can still be a kid too if I want to. I may not look it but I am 87 year old. I'm entitled to be senile.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Aren't you done emailing me yet? Don't you have a building to go leap or something? It's almost time for lunch.

_(no response)_

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Clark?

_(no response)_

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Huh. I guess I'll use this as an opportunity to spam you again. Say hello to the internet Clark.

………………………………………..

Bruce Wayne shook his head as he watched the aging speedster. Wally's fingers flew rapidly over the keyboard. Seriously, why hadn't he fried the damn thing yet?

"You know, there's such a thing called 'chat'," Bruce said dryly. "It allows instantaneous communication without having to resort to email." The grey haired man spun around in his chair to flash Bruce an amused grin.

"But this is more fun."

"Why haven't you fried your keyboard yet? You've been typing at superspeed the whole time."

"Richie and Cyborg hooked me up," Wally grinned. "They made my computer more resistant to my superpower."

There was a pause as both men stared at the computer.

"Still no reply yet?" Bruce asked dryly.

"No, he's probably off saving the world somewhere."

There was a soft bing from the computer, followed by "You have mail." Then…

"Your inbox is full," the computer said helpfully.

"I think he's back," Wally quipped.

……………………………………………

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** same old

Sorry, some pirates had taken over a cruise liner. Then there were a couple of house fires in Poland and a car wreck in London…

Oh, and thanks for the spam. I really liked how you managed to find a link for every Wikipedia article in existence. Nice touch.

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

I thought it was. You should check out your article, I changed it.

**From:** Clark Kent  
**To:** Wally West  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** my wiki article

Damn you Wally! I never once French kissed Zatanna! Or Diana! Or Barbara!

**From:** Wally West  
**To:** Clark Kent  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:**

Not according to Wikipedia, and Wikipedia never lies.

…………………………………

_4 minutes later:_

**Excerpt from Wally West's Phone Conversation with Clark Kent:  
Time:** 12:07 pm

_Wally:_ Uh, I kinda busted my computer. Linda's pissed.

_Clark:_ Mine too. I also accidentally broke the laptop.

_Wally:_ You busted two computers? Clark!

_Clark:_ Lois doesn't know about the laptop yet.

_Wally:_ I guess Richie will be busy tomorrow.

_Clark:_ Or Max. She's good with computers too.

_Wally:_ Truce?

_Clark:_ For now. Let's call this battle a draw.

…………………………..

**BBC News **

Officials have yet to determine the source of the current internet lockdown. It has recently been reported that nearly 43% of the world's servers have mysteriously crashed. We currently do not know if this was the result of a hacker or simply a glitch in the system.

It has also been reported that many Wikipedia articles have been tampered with and altered. Two of the articles were the Superman and Flash entries. The entries were altered with false information that accused the two heroes of a multiple array of offenses, ranging from nude keg parties to French kissing their female colleagues. It is not believed at this time that this is related to the current internet crisis, as it was most likely the work of someone with a grudge.

……………….

_**Author's note:**__ I will try to update this and my other JLU stories as soon as possible. However, my first priority at the moment is meeting the deadlines for my fellowship applications_


	2. Chapter 2

**This Ain't the Golden Years II**

_Chapter 2_

**Excerpt from Wally's Phone Conversation with Dick Grayson:**  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Time:** 9:21pm

_Dick:_ So how mad is Linda?

_Wally:_ She doesn't know if she should laugh or cry from frustration.

_Dick:_ Well, you did bust the computer.

_Wally:_ But not two!

_Dick:_ Has Clark told Lois yet?

_Wally:_ Please…what makes you think that Ms. Nose hasn't found out yet?

_Dick:_ Has Lois ever found out that Bruce was the one who came up with that nickname?

_Wally:_ I don't think so.

_Dick:_ Why not tell her? I'm sure Clark would appreciate it if you redirected her temper at someone else.

………………………………..

Wally quickly dialed in the cell phone number of a one Lois Lane-Kent. He was quickly answered by the frail, but agitated, voice of an elderly woman.

"Wally!"

"What're you yelling at me for!? Clark started it!"

"What do you want!?" Lois demanded.

"Ohhhh….nothing," Wally said innocently. "I just thought that you'd like to know who came up with your favorite nickname."

There was a pause.

"Why are you telling me _now_?" she asked suspiciously.

"Do I need a reason Lois? Honestly?"

"Spill it West."

……………………..

**Bruce Wayne's Text Message to Wally West  
Time:** 9:39pm

You're dead Wally.

**Clark Kent's Text Message to Wally West  
Time: **9:41pm

Thanks Wally.

……………………………

**Flight Status:** Approximately one hour from Earth

………………..

**Excerpt from Wally's Phone Conversation with Dick Grayson:**  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Time:** 10:02pm

_Dick:_ You're a sick man Wally.

_Wally:_ No, I'm a brilliant man. Besides, it was _your_ idea.

_Dick:_ Let's just wait a few days and see who the genius is.

_Wally:_ What are you planning?

_Dick:_ Can't tell, top secret.

_Wally:_ Sounds great.

_Dick:_ Yeah, well…my partners in crime and I are still working out a few kinks in the plan.

_Wally:_ Like what?

_Dick:_ I told you, it's top secret!

_Wally:_ Okay okay, I won't ask again.

_Dick:_ Hey, I just remembered. Did J'onn ever get you and Bruce back for the Oreo thing?

_Wally:_ Come on, this is J'onn.

**Silence**

_Wally:_ Maybe I can steal a boob tube from Barda and hide out on New Genesis.

_Dick:_ Boob tube? Don't you mean boom tube?

_Wally:_ Boob tube sounds so much better.

_Dick:_ I guess…Wally! You're a genius!

_Wally:_ I know; I just don't like to brag. Wait…what're you talking about?

_Dick:_ Nothing, nothing…

…………………

**From:** Dick Grayson  
**To:** Roy Harper, Donna Troy  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Subject:** Change of plans

I've got a better idea for our Jan. 4th mission. However, the idea means it might have to happen a little sooner. Come over to my place after breakfast in the morning and I'll tell you. I don't want to take a chance of it being seen by a third party if I send it by email.

Dick

………………………….

**Flight status:** Landing sequence commencing…

……………..

**Location:** The Kent farm  
**Date:** January 1, 2059  
**Time:** 11:01pm

_Lois:_ Smallville, is someone at the door?

_Clark:_ Let me…Jonathan!

_Lois:_ What!? Jonathan's finally home!?

_Jonathan Kent:_ Uh…hi Mom.

_Lois:_ Where the hell have you been!?

_Jonathan:_ Sorry I didn't make it home for Christmas. You can blame it on Lobo.

_Clark:_ What did Lobo do?

_Jonathan:_ He tried to turn me in to the Thanagarians for a bounty.

_Clark:_ I see they're still a little mad over what you and Rex did.

_Jonathan:_ So we wrecked a couple of cruisers, big deal.

_Lois:_ I'm just glad you're finally home.

_Jonathan:_ Happy New Year Mom. _(kisses Lois on the cheek)_ What'd I miss while I was gone?

_Lois:_ Well, your father destroyed part of the internet and two computers today.

_Clark:_ I did not! I mean…I didn't do it by myself!

_Jonathan:_ Something tells me that there's a long story behind all of this.

_Lois:_ Sit down Junior, you should enjoy this.

_Clark:_ By the way, what'd you do with Lobo?

_Jonathan:_ I introduced him to a new friend.

……………..

**Location: **Somewhere in the fifth dimension

_Mr. Mxyzptlk:_ Hello? My dear Gsptisnz, we have a guest!

_Lobo:_ **You're dead you crazy half-Kryptonian bastard!!!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for the delay in updating. It hasn't been due to a lack of desire, but due to a lack of time._

**This Ain't the Golden Years II**

_Chapter 3_

**Location:** The Titans' Secret Hideout (AKA, Roy's Garage)  
**Date:** January 2, 2059  
**Time:** undisclosed (mid morning, just after Roy walked the dog)

_Dick:_ Hey, where'd you get a 1937 Bugatti?

_Roy:_ Secret.

_Dick:_ I know you can't afford this.

_Roy:_ I found it rusting in a junk yard. I've been fixing it up.

_Dick:_ Really? How…

_Donna:_ Enough! Please! I don't care about cars!

_Roy:_ Says the woman whose sister has an invisible flying jet.

_Donna:_ Which she never lets me fly.

_Dick:_ Really? Not even once?

_Donna:_ She did once, but for some reason she refuses to let me do it again.

_Roy:_ What'd you do, almost crash it into a mountain?

_Donna:_ Er…

_Dick:_ You did!?

_Donna:_ Babs and I were drag racing with the batplane and the jet, it's her fault! She plays dirty!

**Pause**

_Dick:_ So how badly did Bruce and Diana almost kill you two?

_Donna:_ You don't want to know.

_Roy:_ Anyway…what's your big idea Grayson?

_Dick:_ My dear friends, let us meditate on the words "Boob tube."

………………………………….

_January 2, 2059_

I'm bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

I already put up the Christmas decorations and now I can't find anything to do. I know I'm driving Linda crazy because she's rolling her eyes and giving agitated sighs. In order not to anger my dear beloved wife, I made quick my escape.

Max can't come over and fix the computer until tomorrow. I'm having to type my journal entry at the library. My grandkids wanted to check out some books, so I'm trying to not piss off the crazy librarian that keeps giving me the evil eye.

I think her name's Rosa. Crazy Lady Rosa.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored…

………….

**John Stewart's Text Message to Wally West  
Time: **11:41am

Wally if you text me again 2 tell me you're bored, I will personally come over there and kill you.

…………………….

**Wally West's Text Message to John Stewart  
Time: **11:42am

Bored!

…………………………

**Wally West's Text Message to John Stewart  
Time: **11:42am

Hi John!

……

**Wally West's Text Message to John Stewart  
Time: **11:42am

Nice boring day isn't it?

…….

**Location:** Keystone City Public Library  
**Date:** January 2, 2059  
**Time:** 11:50am

_Wally:_ **Owwww!!!**

_John:_ Told you.

_Rosa the Librarian:_ (**Glare of Death**)

…………………………

**Excerpt from Wally's telephone conversation with Linda Park West:**  
**Date:** January 2, 2059  
**Time:** 12:00pm

_Linda:_ You got kicked out of the library!?

_Wally:_ It was John's fault; he whacked me with his cane!

_Linda:_ Wally…

_Wally:_ And I swear, that crazy librarian has to be a closet Kryptonian! I could practically feel a pair of laser beams coming out of her eyes!

_Linda_:…

_Wally:_ Um…Linda? Honey?

_Linda:_…

_Wally:_ I'm in deep trouble, aren't I?

_Linda:_…

_Wally:_ Uh…you want to go out for dinner tonight? Roses? Candy?

_Linda:_ It's a start.

………………………..

**Excerpt from Linda Park West's telephone conversation with Shayera Hol Stewart:**  
**Date:** January 2, 2059  
**Time:** 12:00pm

_Shayera:_ You guilt tripped Wally into taking you out to fancy restaurant?

_Linda:_ If you force John, we can make it a double date.

…………………..

**Location:** The Titans' Secret Hideout (AKA, Roy's Garage)  
**Date:** January 2, 2059  
**Time:** undisclosed (after a scrumptious lunch of grilled hamburgers)

_Donna:_ So basically your idea is to stalk Orion, watch for an opportune moment when he uses his boom tube, and then dump bras into it?

_Dick:_ Just imagine...Orion, arriving home on New Genesis…dozens, no…hundreds of flying bras coming out of the boom tube!

_Roy:_ If we could do it, it would be brilliant.

_Donna:_ The only problem is logistics.

_Roy:_ We need superspeed for this.

_Dick:_ Wally would be immediately suspected. Besides, I want to pull this without him.

_Roy:_ What about one of his kids or Kara?

_Dick:_ Hmm…I think Jonathan Kent is back…

_Donna:_ He'd do it. Anyone have his number?

_Dick:_ Rex should. I'll call him and get it.

_Roy:_ What about the hundreds of bras? Not only is that expensive, it'll be suspicious if we buy that many. Even if you divide it between stores, that's a lot.

_Dick:_ Yeah, and the two of us can't do that either. There'd be too many questions if a couple of old geezers were caught buying dozens of bras at a time.

_Roy:_ We're old geezers?

_Dick:_ That's what we like society to think.

_Donna:_ Bras are cheaper in other countries than the U.S. You can buy cheaper ones in Mexico and Vietnam.

**Pause**

_Roy:_ Okay Grayson, we just learned some new information today. Donna knows where to buy cheap underwear.

_Dick:_ Donna, you're in charge of collecting the bras.

_Donna:_ Me!?

_Dick:_ We'll give you some money.

_Donna:_ Hundreds?

_Roy:_ You're a resourceful and intelligent woman, I'm sure that you can manage it.

_Dick:_ Just keep the end result in your mind. Orion. Flying bras. New Genesis.

_Donna:_ Fine, but I'm bringing in outside help.

…………………

**Official Request to Queen Hippolyta  
****Date****: January 2, 2059, in the reckoning of Man's World  
Concerning a Cultural Excursion into Man's World**

My dear Queen Mother,

It has come to my attention that our people have not adequately reached out to the women of Man's World. Specifically, our attempts at interaction have mainly been aimed at the so called first-world, industrialized countries. Third world and newly industrialized countries have been neglected, specifically in the last four decades.

It is my proposition that a small group of Amazons be sent into these countries to investigate the role of women in these societies, the evolution of these roles, as well as their place in the social and economic hierarchy.

With your blessing, I would like to lead a small group consisting of the following warriors: Artemis, Nu'Bia, Menalippe, Pallas, and Timandra.

Sincerely,

Donna Troy, Second Princess of Themiscyra

……………………


End file.
